


If It Hurts

by NanakiBH



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Drama, M/M, Magnet, highschool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-23
Updated: 2010-11-23
Packaged: 2017-11-04 05:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, it's worth putting action to your words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If It Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> This would be Gakupo/Kaito circa their version of Magnet. This is just an interpretation on the song and some possible events that the lyrics evoke to me. I haven't done first person in a long, long time, but I found it appropriate here.

I woke up when my alarm went off, rolled over, and you weren't there. A weight was settling in my heart already at the way the bedsheets felt cold where you had been. Rather, the weight may have been there all along and never left. The anticipation, anxiety that I had been hoping to be rid of last night still remained even through the night.

It was an unsettling feeling, hopeless and dreading; the knowledge that I would soon have to go to school laying oppressively across my shoulders. You told me I could just skip if it all became too much to bear, but, I think I've already used up as many days as I can doing that. Even if I got sick now, I'd have to force myself onto my feet and drag myself back to school to lead an even more hellish day than usual. You said that things can't possibly get any worse once they've reached this point, but I still think they can.

I half-rolled, half-fell out of bed and dragged my feet on the way to the bathroom. My back was a little sore, but that much made me smile, reminding me of your hands last night.

In a place where no one else seems to understand me, at least you always know how to be reassuring, even if the words you say to reassure me are often said with tear-filled eyes. I know they're words you mean, because you feel the same things I feel.

The warm water did a small part in improving my mood, but even that could not distract my thoughts from the anguishing memories of what would await me back in the classroom.

I stepped out of the shower and stepped onto the wet towel you left on the floor. For the week you've been staying over at my apartment, you've been borrowing this towel and you still always forget to hang it on the rack. It's lavender, which hadn't been my favorite color so I didn't mind if you threw it around, but now it reminds me of you.

I was probably going to be late at this rate, but I took some care in hanging the towel on the rack next to mine and admired how lovely your lavender looked next to my blue. I just had to remind myself that in only a few months' time, I could be seeing your towel hanging next to mine regularly and I might not have to worry about what other people thought about something as simple as that.

The time I spent putting on my uniform was a blur. One foot went into one sock and the other into the other sock as usual and my belt was fastened as usual and I went to my apartment kitchen to make toast like usual. Except I had to laugh when I noticed a cold piece of toast already waiting for me on the table. You even left the jelly out for me because you remembered how much I like sweet things.

Next to the plate was a letter in your handwriting.

「Smile! xox I'll see you at school. ♥」

To be honest, I couldn't keep the corners of my lips from twitching at that, but it didn't necessarily stop me from remembering why I wasn't smiling in the first place. Then, next to the letter was another letter in an envelope. Its edge had been torn without any finesse and the contents had been carelessly stuffed back inside without being folded properly back to the way it had been.

I would have yelled at you for opening it maybe, but I knew why it interested you. I read it only because I felt obligated.

「Kaito,  
We understand that this must be a tough time for you to be going through, but please consider your future. There's a lovely girl that we- 」

I lifted my eyes from the words before I even finished the sentence. At least they had the courtesy to cut to the chase without making me read the rest of that to get to their point. It left me feeling just as frustrated, though.

Grabbing only the necessary things and shoving them into my bag, I finally headed out of the door with the cold toast in hand. The thin layer of strawberry jelly I spread on the top helped to salvage it somewhat. Even if it wasn't crisp anymore, it could still be a little sweet and there was something about the fact that you made it that made me happy about it.

I didn't see anybody else on my way to school, which was rare, but appreciated. It was nice to walk quietly by myself without anyone else around to pester me. Briefly, I wondered if that was why you had decided not to stay around and wait for me to wake up. Having you walk beside me on the way to school would have been reassuring, but at the same time, I didn't want to put you through that sort of torment with me. At least you still have some friends who seem to accept you.

Megurine-san is a nice girl. If we weren't the way we were, I'm sure she would have been a nice girl for you. She probably would have been able to show you a much kinder life than I'll be able to afford you.

My feet slowed to a near stop when I turned the corner and the imposing shape of the school came into view. I just had to remind myself that you'd be there.

And to smile.

The girl whose locker was next to mine stopped to stare at me for a moment. She had her locker door propped open slightly and kept stealing glances, trying not to be suspicious, but it was obvious to me since I was conditioned at this point to be perceptive to the way other people looked at me. I wanted to say something or just tell her to stop staring, but I held my tongue back.

She was a shy girl, but she had liked me. She never got up the courage to tell me or anything, but I knew because she was the only girl who really seemed disappointed when she found out that I was...

When I closed the door to my locker, she jumped slightly and ran off with her things as if she hadn't been paying attention to me at all. I just heaved a sigh. Even if she didn't talk to me, at least she didn't try beating me up in all the ways other people did; with their words and stares and fists. I don't think a punch really hurt the worst anymore anyway.

When I got to homeroom (five and a half minutes late – no forgiveness even for the fashionably late), there was already a note waiting for me in my desk's compartment. Once the teacher wasn't scrutinizing me any longer and the regular suspects got tired of talking about me, I pulled it out and unfolded it quietly.

「Smile, sexy! xox I have something for you. See me at lunch? Roof?」

I attempted to fix you with a firm expression over the heads of the other classmates nearby, but when you looked up with a goofy look on your face, I just laughed. Not too loud, of course, but I got stared at. I kept my head on my desk then for the rest of the morning until afternoon came, but I kept your note curled in my hand the whole time.

You were gone from the classroom before I could catch up with you, much like how things had gone when I'd woken up and found the sheets beside me empty. I took my time again to get my lunch from my locker and let my thoughts roll over what we'd done the night before and I could feel my cheeks flaring up just at the memory. If I didn't stop myself, I knew someone would have made fun of me for it.

My locker was spared today; no writing on the outside, no threatening notes on the inside, either. When I put my hand inside, expecting to grab a lunch box, I remembered that I hadn't felt too hungry when I left and hadn't even bothered bringing anything with me. That sort of ruined the clean locker. I just hoped that you'd share some of your lunch with me or something. Maybe in a way that wouldn't be too embarrassing.

Your note said 'Roof?' like it was a question. I found you up there with no problem, though, standing near the edge of the building surrounded by fence, your back turned to me. When you heard my footsteps, you glanced back at me, looking a little cautious and guarded at first, but then smiled brightly when you saw it was me. There wasn't anyone else around, so I let myself grin openly and started walking over.

And then you turned around. And in your hands was the biggest bouquet of flowers I could not believe you could even afford. They were so nicely arranged, I knew you hadn't done it yourself. And they were so beautiful, it was hard for me to even believe at first that they were for me. I didn't believe it, actually. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open stupidly until you walked the rest of the way to meet me and held the bundle of blue and lavender out to me, expecting me to accept them.

I did. I reached out with quaking hands and grabbed the stems where you held them. My hands fit over yours and our eyes connected.

You're cheesy, way too often. You aren't very good at helping a serious situation usually. Sometimes you say the wrong thing and you make me cry more than you help, but I always know that you feel the same thing I feel. I didn't need a bouquet of flowers to tell me that your love is sincere. You didn't have to stand at the edge of the roof and yell at everyone below that this was how things were and that no amount of their hate could change that.

You didn't have to do any of that, because I know.

But I love you so much for it anyway.


End file.
